I'm going to appeal to St Andrew's, Anderson and Nanyang Junior College. Actually, after a 4 point bonus deduction from CCA and HCL(Which I passed, miraculously), I have 10 points. But I'm worried that the cut-off point for NYJC is lowered to a 9. So, I just sent emails to all the schools I'm applying for that contains my student resume. I'm really worried none of them accepts me, and I'll end up at a school that I don't want to study in. I think the environment of the school is crucial at this stage. Moreover, I'm a very easily influenced person, so its best if I don't face any temptations in these 2 years. I'm really going to mug hard, and I promise not to be so easily distracted by my emotions and etc. I want myself to be open to options after my A's! So I can make a better decision later on in life.

I want to thank God. Because despite the two consecutively similar dreams I had of getting 18 points on the night before I received my results, I did not. I prayed to him, and plead that if its His will, He would grant me a max 14 points. I'm really grateful, because I believe I could have achieved worse results. However, I am particularly puzzled with my Comb Hmns, English, HMT, and both my math. I had very high expectations for my Hist & Ss, A1 in fact! But I got a B3 for it. I was also shocked that I passed my Higher Chinese. I didn't pass with a good grade(C6), but my main aim was to just pass so that I can deduct 2 points from my raw score. I also hadn't expected to get A1 for English! Because I thought I blew up my summary, well apparently I didn't. I was most surprised for both my math, because I KNOW I did so poorly that I thought I couldn't pass. Anyway, I could have done better, maybe a 12. But what's done, is done. I will work harder this year wherever I'm posted to.

Which brings me to my worries. I don't know which JC I should select for as my first choice! Every move I make has a huge risk that could cost me my place in an academically better one. And then there's CCA. I'm told I don't have to appeal into NYJC through Choir because I can surely get in. But I still can't be convinced so. I feel like I'm tied down by Choir. Its not that I don't like it or anything, but I feel like trying something different that I can also excel in. And the problem is I don't think there's a way for that to happen, unless God bestows a miracle upon me.

And I also have to convince myself to take the risk by not appealing through Choir. Oh schmucks!

Anyway, the Choir teacher-in-charge has just contacted me, telling me to make a trip to AJC for audition. And I am freaking out right now. Because according to Grace, Choir is a niche CCA in AJC, which means they have very extremely unreasonably high standards! I, for a fact, would never make a cut there! Because when they ask me to sight read this Thursday, which they most probably would being demanding, I am going to

1. Stare back in silence

or

2. Start singing the "Happy Birthday" song no matter what score they give me.

or

3. Stutter. Well, that's not supposed to happen, I am supposed to explain to the conductor that I do not have a musical background, so I have problems with sight-reading. But I'm willing to make a conscious effort to perfect them before practises. Yknow, at this point I really don't care if I sound as if I'm bragging or tampering with the facts. Anyway the point is that I really have serious issues of stuttering when I get super nervous. I will sound like I have a fruit, orange I feel, in my mouth. So I have to remind. myself. to. speak. slowly. and. fluently.

Oh Jesus! Please help me, I have really low self-confidence now! I am angry with myself for ever quitting piano. I'm such a Ban4 Tu2 E2 Fei4 person. I want to re-live my life and undo all these stupid decisions and mistakes that I've made.

Brrrr, and I'm feeling very apologetic to my family now. Especially my mum, because I keep losing my temper with her for no reason when she attempts talking to me about my decision. I mean, its not like she scolded me or said anything discouraging. So I think I'm a very bad and horrid person. A Ren2 Zha1. ): And I'm very thankful towards my siblings. They have been helping me the entire proccess! Like teaching me how to study for certain subjects, and now they're doing me a humongest favour of drafting out formal appeals, and editing it for me countless times. I don't know where I'll be, what I'd do without them.

But see? Everytime something not very pleasant happens to me, other people get affected too. And I really dislike that especially when I don't do well. Because its not fair to them, that they have to spend their precious time on me. And I feel like an even worse person. I hate it that everything in my life would affect at least another person. Sigh, I know this post sounds very contradicting. No worries, I'm fine(:

I hope.

I also want to congratulate these people-Shaokwang and Liyu. Sk made 44 super proud of him. It brought us a glim of hope even if it was for a second. And I'm sure Ms Tay and Mrs Veda and Mrs Ismail etc, are very honoured to have him as their student too. At least one of us made it to top 30! :D And Liyu, I always have high hopes for you woman! Yes, go far! I believe you can continue to excel in whatever you're doing in the future. So to the both of you, may your ambitions become realised! And I really hope you will enjoy what you both do in the future.

Lastly, to those who are filled with disappointment: There is no problem to big God cannot solve it. There is no mountain too tall God cannot move it. There is no storm too dark God cannot calm it. There is no sorrow too deep God cannot soothe it.