Saturday, September 02, 2006
Coach wasn't there to help me and sixuan for tennis yesterday. We did some self-practising for two hours instead. But before that, we talked about what's going on with our lifes, like how awful or greatly interesting the week had been. Sixuan shared about the problems she faced with her friends. Somehow, she felt that she didn't really have real, true, i'll-die-for-you friends. The same problem goes for me too. i DO HAVE friends, but they are not what i'm looking for. Sometimes, i get really jealous and just want to keep one friend to myself. I know that's kinda selfish but i can't seem to help it. I really needed someone to be there for me 24/7, and puts me first to everything else. Although i know its ridiculously impossible, i still fantasize of this friend. And yet other times, i want to be alone. Then i'll start thinking if the problems lies with me. Whether i'm the one who pushes people away whenever they try getting near me. ugh, this is completely confusing. Anyway, as sixuan shared her problems to me, i realise how musch i respect her. She unlike me, did not give in to peer pressure whenever her friends urges her to pon her cca or not to do her homework just that they can go and shop instead. This might be a silly, teeny matter. But it really speaks a lot of your level of maturity and how right you set your priorities and actually follow it. I respect her mightily for that. And when she said this it really set me thinking. " i don't understand what is it with people, when they know that they will do well if they don't slack but still do it. why don't they want to do something that they know can change for the better; that by doing that you improve much more." that blasted at me like a horn. i realise what she said made complete sense. she inspired me.
